I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
