moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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