census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
