I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
