I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
