He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
