I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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