Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
