why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
