I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
