After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
