I'm eating all of the evidence.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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