So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
