also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize