Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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