She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize