As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
