He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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