Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
