Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
