You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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