he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I lost the right to judge tonight
When are your genitals available?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
where are my eyebrows?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
