I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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