Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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