I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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