No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize