So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i will never coherently bang her
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize