she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
