that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
