Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
They have beer where we have blood.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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