whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
