He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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