I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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