That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
