so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize