i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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