i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
