i would punch a child for taco bell
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
