I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
