i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
