Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
