I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
