Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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