my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
there was a trapeze. enough said
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
