it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
