I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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