i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize