In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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