a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
