i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
