I need help removing her.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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