i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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