My first STD was from a foam party
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
