Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
