it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
