so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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