Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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