I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
