I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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