You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
