So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
