the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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