Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
