Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
