happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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