So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
