i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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