Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
