you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
