standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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