and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
