sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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