I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize