oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
