I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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